My ultimate goal in life is to never wear anything other than, soft cloth pants and my beloved Michigan sweatshirt, sort-of like a poverty version of Hugh Hefner, sans creepy sex stains. Now I know what you’re thinking, ” But Jeanette, It’s New Years Eve! Get off the couch and ring in 2012 with a shower, pleeeeaaassseee!” I heard the desperate cries and yet I cannot abandon my dreams, not when I’m this close to the perfect butt shaped indent in my favorite sweatpants! No, I had to resist.
Anticipating the excitement of the day, the inevitability of glitter-smothered co-eds, and spider-esque eyelashes, I launched my own campaign. I lured my naive friends and family into my condo with robust promises of frozen pizza and cheap whiskey. They came, one by one, grateful for a place to warm themselves by the fire and to converse without shouting. They knew here they would be safe from the agonizing game of chicken they would’ve been forced to play with their waitress,the hopeful ordering, then the disappointment as she reappears an hour later with stale tortilla chips and all the wrong drinks. Oh, they couldn’t wait to get in! We played cards, danced, ate and drank, no one the wiser to my devious intent. Yes, it was beautiful. When the ball dropped and the poppers popped, the night raged on with board games and toasts. Auld lang syne played through the speakers of my macbook and the night was a success. Not one person noticed the crucial element that brought this great night to pass.. my warm and forgiving sweatpants! HAHAHAHA ( throaty, evil laughter).
Happy New Year!!!!!!!