Lunatic in a Fitting Room

The rule is, that your arm span should measure the same length as your total height, thus making it easier for clothing manufacturers to make reasonably well- fitting garments. So if you are a stocky 5’, your arms from tip of finger to tip of finger should also be 5’. Could someone please explain then why I am a lovely 5’9” yet my arms dangle about in an orangutan like 6’1” fashion!!! This as many cannot fathom, as I have been taught that I am the only one cursed with this hideous defect, makes buying coats, shirts, dresses, and anything remotely feminine near impossible. I don’t choose to only purchase men’s sweatshirts and jerky laced T-shirts from gas stations, I have a disability! From the tender, awkward age of 11 I have had to suffer in silence, but no more! Long-Limbed Freaks Unite! I say all clothes should be made equal and to order! No longer will I be reduced to a sobbing lump in the fitting rooms of every major department store, forced to hand back my pile of mangled garb to the willowy thin attendant. Her sneer confirming my inner voice, “ Maybe you should’ve tried the men’s.” Oh my, I need counseling and maybe a fashion assistant.

At least I smell like smoked meats and exhaust.

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Categories: Awesome | Tags: | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Lunatic in a Fitting Room

  1. Becka

    GUSTAFASON’S!!!!!!!!

  2. Mandy

    Clearly we should be shopping together so we may stroll arm in too-long arm out of the dressing room. And then we should go try on jerky-laced menswear, because that kinda sounds like fun.

  3. Except for when the bears find you!

  4. Or perhaps a tailor?

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