Namaste Bitches!

Nothing screams ‘Lentil-Induced Mental Breakdown’ more than a filthy, sun scorched American folded into a bright green Punjabi suit flittering around the Delhi airport. Except for maybe this photo. Taken lovingly by my pal Sarah as part of our, ‘ you only get hepatitis once’ plan on how to tackle India. Also on our list 1. nose rings 2. tattoos 3. dancing (which always leads to at least hep. A)  and 4. cute tibetan waiters (we are suckers for men in crocheted head-bands).

every time I used a squatty potty a little sanity was lost..

every time I used a squatty potty a little sanity was lost..

I’ve survived India, yo!

Now, before I lead you through my epic journey of spiritual enlightenment by way of hauntingly beautiful photographs. I declare to all who read this blog, that this adventure and no other, now and forever be known only as… ‘The Month without Dignity’.

Let’s begin.

our first Hindi lesson leaves us all fluent in Spanish, Scottish and Chinese.

our first Hindi lesson leaves us all fluent in Spanish, Scottish and Chinese.

 

I’ve been told that the Hindi words for ‘tomorrow’ and ‘yesterday’ are actually the same word. I can’t be certain though since the only Hindi word I know is ‘flipflop’ (completely useful when trying to find a toilet or food or just survive). This would however, explain the Indian concept of time and space quite well, to which they have none. There was a lovely ‘go with flow’ mentality over mealtimes. Appointments turned out to be mere suggestions. Taxis would arrive on whichever day they felt that you should be going. It was actually very freeing until I needed to get in line at the post-office, which was nothing short of a mosh-pit of screaming people placing stamps where no stamps should ever go (lefty will never be the same).

Sarah, Lauren and Stephanie wait for the bus that never came… Lauren was later stabbed for being so perky.

I really did find this quirk endearing at first, since I also never know what time it is or why people have stopped inviting me for dinner. But even my patience was tested after waiting 4 hours for our air conditioned bus to deliver us from the savage Delhi heat. We had just finished our  week of Hindi lessons in Faridabad and were anxiously awaiting our escape north to begin volunteer work amongst the majestic Himalayas. Instead we found ourselves trapped next to the highway on a plot of dust, where the only place to relieve our teeny lady bladders was behind a trash fire in front of half dressed children and wild dogs. After sweating our balls off in 46C heat, we were lucky to be able to piss at all, really. Delirious from dehydration and exhaustion it was only a matter of time before someone snapped. It was Sarah. We had no choice, we put her down. Just kidding! We started singing.

Sing Jason Mraz or perish!

Hannah and Shawna were big fans of my voice

Hannah and Shawna, melting even at 10pm

Now enjoy these completely non-sequential photos of people you will never meet.

the only other option- the trusty Tuk Tuk

Lorna expertly sells the only other travel option- the trusty Tuk Tuk

Inside view

Inside view

Simon's appropriate response to  the local driving ability

Simon appropriately responds to the local driving ability

IMG_0941

Delhi transportation at its finest

Stay tuned for the next edition, featuring such topics as,  ‘Salty Milk? Food or Foe?’, ‘Rooftop Lurking, only creepy if you get caught’, and ‘Tibetans Gone Wild’

Categories: Awesome | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Namaste Bitches!

  1. Keri McGaha

    Nettie, you crack me up!! I’m glad you had such an amazing experience!! :)

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